I entered my time in California with a new openness. I have been aware of a changing within me that is more solid, with less constraint in my decisions and more willingness to feel what I feel in any situation and show up. In fact, I WANT to feel more…to allow it all in and be supple in response to it…trusting that the response is the chariot that will guide me forward.
As I drove from Utah, across Nevada on what they call “the loneliest hiway in the west” a mysterious image kept arriving in my consciousness. I could almost feel the presence of a remarkably dedicated steed on either side of me, with Romanesque quality muscles and a forward motion that was unstoppable. They felt like robust angelic ushers in the form of ancient animal deities, with an undeniable vision for where my chariot must land. I felt safely escorted to my destination with my beloved Ubuntu by my side.
While there, experience after experience seemed to request my openness and a willingness to receive …my welcoming in of a feminine creative energetic that is imperative for me now as I move towards a new era in my life. My garden now is in full bloom and this garden is growing into my entire world. It is my task now to say yes…to let go over and over and over again to old ways of contraction and to say yes in trust that even what is painful, is here to carry me forward.
One morning on that lonely highway I was contemplating the pain of having to relinquish a few friendships that have been dear to me for many years of my life. The ending has been strange and hard to understand. Just then, coyote crossed the road ahead of me and I slowed as the flurry of activity erupted there by the road from which it fled. Magpies, vultures and ravens stirred and flew and just as I passed, I saw the velvet covered antlers of a beautiful male deer there on the road side, presumably killed by a vehicle in the night. In that moment I understood more potently how each death we endure in this world, feeds something else. I had to believe that even the death of these friendships were feeding some other aspect of me or my life. We cannot hold onto anything…in the end, it is the great letting go of our bodies that allows the biggest transformation of our human existence.
Somehow this too, led me to be more available to the next and the next event of my travels with a clarity of forward motion that was new to me. I began to feel my rooted anchoring into my flowering as an availability to openness. One feeds the other. Anchoring into my evolving Self has me more open to more of who I am and always, always, requires a letting go of past ways of being.