Holy smokes batman!
Even my body was in response…my back was out, rib was out, other strange things. Then I started writing about this mysterious work of transformation, and as I wrote I felt Mystery whispering secrets to me that I hadn’t previously known…at least not consciously. One of the things I was seeing so absolutely was the circular and cyclic nature of the descent. For many of us, I think especially women, we experience a descent often…it is a spiral that we swim in that invites us to descend over and over again. I don’t think there is just one soul descent and we are done…nope. sorry. I think we are invited from some great benevolent Source to fall again and again…to go through that whole magical and challenging & terrifying process over and over again. It is an invitation to stop…to listen…to feel…to fall apart with an inherent beckoning to put ourselves back together again in a new way.
Now we all know that it doesn’t quite work that way for everyone….what I describe is if we are conscious enough, and willing and able to respond with some level of responsibility. It is a privilege to get to do it this way. We don’t all have the tools or resources. I have some of what is necessary and I’m grateful, and I am in the midst of reassembling now…re-membering who I am going forward, and I am super excited to get to send you a grand opening announcement sometime in the next weeks, of my new website and SOME Of the upcoming programs in 2018 (there’s some humdingers! So stay tuned).
A few months back I did a writing course and I was asked to write a “letter” to someone on the edge of the abyss. I thought I’d share it with you…just in case you too….are traveling in that terrain!
Friend….your stance is slipping now. I see that. I see your body being pulled downward towards a tomb-like underworld; a place that feels upside down and inside out, and in no way familiar.
It is intimidating, isn’t it?
I felt that.
See this mud under my fingernails?
I just climbed out of that world.
Do you feel as if your world makes no sense anymore?
Do you wonder if you are still sane?
Are you making choices you never imagined you would?
Yep…You are in a descent that is so important and absolutely terrifying.
You are courageous to keep stumbling towards that.
You are in the right place...really.
Summon your strength.
Nobody tells us that this dark and slippery portal is a threshold we must cross.
Our people have forgotten this aching invitation…
this way of trusting the fall;
the disorienting womb.
No one whispered to us that THIS is where we gain luminous wings…
like the caterpillar’s majestic unfolding.
Trust it darling…you can.
And yes, I'm sorry but you must go alone.
Your safety-loving friends and family will not support this.
I remember when I fell…. when the rug was pulled out from under me after I took those first tremulous steps, and my own thumping heart was ripped out of my chest in its own wild storm of courage….when my voice, as I dared to give my truth to the world, felt crushed and insignificant….
In the wake of all those months of ripping dismemberment, in the calm wet aftermath of that tempest, I was slowly re-membered.
I was given something new…the gaping hole that was left literally offered me a place to grow again.
It actually was not my voice that was crushed. Rather it was that tentative world my ego had built in order to be loved.
And rightly so.
The tender bud of my voice that had rallied towards visibility after eons of hiding beneath the crusted surface of sound was hit hard…but it did survive and was strengthened, and eventually found a new fortification through its intuitive, dark-loving roots. It grew larger in its new home.
The destruction you are now headed into will be your small self’s undoing.
Life as you have known it is waning now…
something is dying, and must.
This is a mythic story as rhythmic as time…
when we drain ourselves we are always filled again by Mystery…if we allow it.
Go, my friend
Let your heart lead.
Allow the groveling and the inevitable weeping….the crying for solidity.
Listen carefully to all the voices and welcome them.
Let the world you’ve known die and even decay.
Trust the moulding of your true life that will come after.
The world is longing for You to come home.