Was I in denial?
Had my heart gone into a numbing paralysis?
Was I unwilling or unwanting to feel the truth of these times?
What and why had my heart closed?
I knew the peril inherent in wanting to open my heart further. I believe that when we open our hearts to feel it is not ONLY love that comes rushing in. Our hearts feel it all, and grief and praise live in the same mansion, as Martin Prechtel reminds us…our hearts! Even so, I knew that it was only in the full exposure of the organ that holds my emotional intelligence that I could navigate these times with integrity. The heart has a band of neural cells and therein embodies exactly the kind of wisdom that we most need at this time. As Van Jones says, “only a Love Army” will conquer Trump.” We MUST use the wisdom of love and compassion at this time, or the suffering will be compounded.
On the morning after my birthday I was walking around a gorgeous lake with 2 beloveds…one was my dog, Ubuntu. I decided that this was the place and time to practice …
Could I do it?
Could I actually intentionally open that spiritual muscle and feel the world differently?
I believed it was possible.
I walked the lakeside trail quietly, amongst tall Ponderosas, rugged junipers and oaks, breathing in the chill air and began to imagine the spreading apart of whatever shield was over my heart. I stopped and put my full attention there. Immediately I felt a change….like a communication was now possible with these Ones surrounding me. I walked on, feeling and then again stopped. This time it was even more dramatic. My emotions swelled and I experienced being penetrated by a kind of loving force…a benevolent attention that seemed to come from all of the Nature that surrounded me. The longer I walked with that image in my mind, the more I felt. I softened and actually sensed an opening in the regions of my chest.
It was easy out there…and sooo beautiful…my entire being calmed and my center of gravity sank into my chest. Compassion felt natural and effortless.
Later we entered a restaurant for breakfast and a woman was in there speaking extremely loudly in the almost empty restaurant…the volume did not seem necessary. I turned my attention to my body and immediately noticed that I was closing again…wanting to block out the comments that were being made that had nothing to do with the heart. Immediately it was oh so clear why so many of us walk around in our lives with our hearts closed. There is so much in the world that is hard to hear right now. And in contrast to the times of the past when we were only truly aware of our local events, now we know global events with the touch of a finger…we are barraged with so much news and so much horror and so much fear, that I wonder if perhaps it is healthy at times to close that door for short periods…and take the news in measured doses. The mind wants to know more and more and the heart, perhaps, needs something else in equal amounts.
I do still want to open my heart …often…for I believe that my greatest intelligence abides there...not to mention the fact that it is an absolutely delicious experience! This is where guidance finds its way in and where I am blessed to feel it all…the pain AND the Love, and we do so need to bring our love and compassion forward at this time..honestly…not after being filtered through the judging mind.
This is my practice now…daily. It is magic.
Compassion is the spoon that feeds the soup of love to the world.