These months have been nebulous and naked, as Joni would say, and I could not, until just in the last days, lay my eyes on it's offerings nor easily find value in them.
Being the fourth child born into a traditional midwestern family, the retraining of my psyche to attune to other worlds has taken much of my life. And my voice....well....being true to the feminine lineage of my family and the world, my lips have failed again and again to find words to describe what I live inside. I saw that it was best to be silent and so now, still I work to speak truth. These shmita months can only be described by words that live under leaves and in the cracks of boulders...they are hard to find but they always face Earth and have veins that run with subtle life.
I am half way through month seven...two weeks past the intended end date. My inexperienced mind set expectations on this voyage back in November...failing to account for my growing towards elderhood. I imagined great things like epiphanies and visions rushing through me like adrenalin, turning all the circuits on and pumping me full of enthusiasm and energy. This was not my experience except for in moments that creased time and disappeared only too readily.
Life was taking on a new dimension which I may have cast off as something else, had I not been listening carefully. In the long stretches of growing summer days, my perspective widened at times. I looked through experienced eyes more and more often and could almost sense a little letting go of life as I had never imagined would happen. My attachments were thinning, like my hair, and I could see what had, over the years, worked and what didn't . . .in work, relationship, personality, etc. My view of what would be important in the next years of work became more practical and broad . . .filling the gaps and pockets of yesterday's vision with the paint of wisdom. I was not sky rocketed out into the world by huge ideas, but rather sought to find ways that really worked, where we could lean on one another as evolution had it's way with us..
Now presence takes far more precedence, and rest is allowed.
As I write this I hear an "older's" voice but my eyes are beginning to see the elder in the mirror.
The moon is new....again.